||[Jan. 15th, 2007|01:15 am]
ok i feel i should explain my last post. there's been some discussion that this adoption might not happen as soon as we expect. we're having some trouble on the finance side of things. i would like to once again state that international adoption is NOT cheap - and we do not own any trees that sprout money (though if you know of where i can find one, let me know asap). right now there are a lot of things up in the air because of this issue. i've been debating on if i should keep this journal going in the meantime or if i should just hold off till we get everything kicked off again.
here's the deal. we're looking at around $10,000-$20,000 for our liberian adoption. i know that's a whole lot cheaper that most other countries. we're also trying to figure out readoption costs. as far as i have read, the state of texas does not require you to readopt but it is strongly encouraged incase you or your child move to a state who does not recognize the adoption. so we're looking to find out how much that will cost as well. now then, keep in mind that this money is not "buying" a child. it's all going in to the legal fees and paperwork and airfare and yada yada yada. there's a lot of things involved in adopting abroad that all cost money. in addition to this, there are things we have to prepare around our house. we have to factor in the cost of a bed, clothing, food, etc. it's not that we haven't thought this through before. we're just not sure if how we chose to fund this is really what is best for our family.
now then, there are grants to apply for - but this will not cover the entire cost. nor is it guaranteed that we would receive any of these grants. we could wait and save up more of our own money - which could take another year or two. we could start some fundraising, but that could take a while to raise all of the money. we could take out a loan with the bank to cover costs and make monthly payments to the bank. but do we really want any kind of debt in order to do this? i really don't want to wait YEARS to make this happen. i already truly believe our child is out there waiting RIGHT NOW. when you begin to accept the idea of adoption into your heart, your heart sort of becomes pregnant with that child. to have to give up that dream once your heart is set on going through with it, is like losing a child during pregnancy. i get SO depressed at just the thought of this not happening right now. although i don't quite feel like i've lost this pregnancy, i feel like it's in serious danger. so there is a lot to discuss in our house and how we'll make this work.
the biggest difference i can think of between pregnancy and adoption (aside from the belly bump) is that adoption is not covered by our medical insurance like pregnancy would be. and that is where our financial troubles lay. it makes me throw up in my mouth a little to think that our child has to wait because of something like a money issue. but alas, that's the case. so my story goes - money doesn't buy love, but it's what it takes to bring them home.
i guess i just hit a huge discouraging moment knowing that we may not meet our child anytime soon, as hoped. it's a hard thing - this adoption stuff. i thought pregnancy hormones were bad, but adoption certainly has it's own category of emotional levels that rival pregnancy. mostly right now we're just trying to figure out the right path for us to come up with the finances. this doesn't mean we're giving up at all. it was just hard to talk about something so exciting when something so disappointing was going on. but i guess it's all part of the process and for those wanting to learn more, i can't leave this out.
so the journal will continue. i'm going to really try hard to not let the bad days get in the way of my writing. i think it's important for everyone to know the ups and downs. our hope continues.